Words for the Year of 2019- FREEDOM, RESTORATION, CONFIDENCE, HEALING, IDENTITY IN CHRIST, SURRENDER, PRAISE, DREAMS ANSWERED, FAMILY BREAKTHROUGH/UNITY, TRUE FRIENDS, HEALTHY BOUNDARIES, FELL MORE IN LOVE WITH JESUS.
I have been reflecting about what the year 2019 was for me. 2019 had many incredible, fun adventures, challenges, growth, and unity. This year taught me about the goodness of the Lord. No matter where I was at spiritually, mentally, that the Jesus is good. Jesus fights our battles and He brings the people into your life that we need,.
I remember in Fall 2018, the lord led to trust Him that He is my provider and not my earthly dad. There were many obstacles, and many times in the natural it looked wrong. I knew what Jesus spoke to me through Paiges testimony. I went through with cutting my dad off from paying for my college tuition. I went forward to get a loan that my Heavenly Father and I would take care of together. This was only one piece that God directed me to do and was obedient to bring restoration with me and my dads relationship.
Fall 2018- Jesus revealed to me I would be going to Rwanda, Africa on a mission trip. This led me to trust Jesus that He is my provider. This brought me an obstacle with my dad and I because he doesn’t like support letters. This was another factor that pushed me to start preparing to get out under my dad. My Heavenly Father showed me how to honor my dad in this situation. God showed me what problems I had to let me dad deal with himself and ones I could not have take responsibility for. I went forward and sent out support letters but I honored my dad by not sending support letters to my dads employees. This situation with my relationship with my dad pushed me to start preparing to get out under my dad financially with my college tuition.
Fall 2018- is when jesus made it clear to me that He is calling me abroad to full fill a dream to travel and see other countries in Fall 2019. I was praying whether to go forward with wanting to do a internship abroad. I decided to keep working, and I would raise the money I need to go abroad and not rely on my dad. I went forward with the steps that needed to happen so I could do my internship abroad.
The start of year 2019, is when things flipped with me and my dad. My dad stopped manipulating me with money and our relationship starting getting healthier. A testimony to what God wants to do with every relationship.
The Lord was moving in my life so intensely through my friends showing me who I find my identity in. My identity is in my heavenly Father, and what He says about me. I went to multiple bible studies, upperroom, and franklin house. I went to many worship sessions. Jesus put many people in my life that spoke truth to me, and even my non-believer friends were so sweet kind to me. Jesus even spoke through them, He lets nothing go to waste.
January though May I was so busy with my classes at CCU. I had a very full schedule with work, trying to figure out my family, and some tough situations. I remember filling my schedule with seeing my friends, because I was longing to be seen and known. I wanted to spend time with wonderful brothers and sisters that loved me. God was so faithful and provided that through Franklin house, Bridgway Church, and upperroom Denver.
During January through May Jesus was starting to show me that I didn’t need anything else but Him. I didn’t need my friends or family but I need encounters with Jesus. I only need Jesus. During this time. He was teaching me about surrender and thanksgiving. My life needs to be in full surrender to Him. He was showing me the beauty of surrender. He was showing me the power of thanksgiving. When things look bad in natural to always keep my eyes on Him. Thanking Jesus brings breakthrough. I remember a specific moment when I felt the fire of God all over my body. It was a powerful encounter. I felt breakthrough in my mind, my heart and felt the peace of God at Upperroom.
Jesus gave me great brother in Christ that saw me as a sister and showed me what healthy relationships looks like with them. Anthony, Matt, Adam, Josh, Ethan, Neven, Nick, Jack, Thomas and more.
Jesus gave me great sisters in Christ- Riley Naylor, Cassie Unruh, Kristen, Brianna, Erica, Rebecca, Elizabeth (todd white conference- thought I already met her), Quinlyn, Cassie Brunstorm, Rachel urban, and theres more but these are first people that came to my mind.
Overall, thank you to all of my brothers and sisters in Christ who continually showed me the love Jesus and spoke the truth to me. Thankful for the prayers and the ways you fought for my breakthroughs which led me to experiencing the freedom that Jesus Christ paid for me on the cross.
As it got closer to Rwanda, Jesus was leading me to go out of my comfort zone. He was leading me to speak infront of people. This was my biggest fear at the time. I am thankful I was willing to let Jesus help me overcome this fear even though it scared me. Rebecca, my bestfriend warned me that I would be put on the spot to speak in Rwanda. She told me to be ready. Before I left, Erica gave me a word from God that I would be rocked inside the boat and would be mentally scared but Jesus was excited for the adventure He was going to bring me on. This word gave me a confirmation and gave me a peace of an excitement to be willing to pushed outside of my comfort zone.
During my time in Rwanda, Jesus did a lot in my heart and showed me so many things. The culture was so beautiful. I didn’t want to leave, I am eager to go back. I loved their faith in God. I loved how they had absolutely nothing but so rich with joy and dancing praising God. I am grateful for Moises, and his giving heart to my team and team leaders. I loved the kids and the teachers at Hope Haven. They are the most giving people who have nothing compared to the U.S. They don’t have running clean water, abundance of food, lives by every penny they can make but they have abundant amount of trust in God. God awakened a dream and desire to be a mom and take care of kids that are in poverty. God placed a dream on my heart that I really want to go back to Rwanda.
During my time in Rwanda Jesus moved and tore down walls of fear with speaking infront of people. I was put on the spot to lead multiple lessons and speak in the classroom. For the longest time I have believed I am who I am because of what I do. That’s not true, I am who I am because of Jesus.
I arrived back from Rwanda and started another new season. I came back and saw some friends and then moved down to flagler to live with my dad for the summer. It was a season that was hard because I had to leave my friends for a summer. I knew it was preparing for the time I felt for spain for 3 months. I knew that the Lord wanted to move in my relationship with my dad and at the diner. I worked long hours, and I did everything I could to make as much money as I could before I left for spain. I needed to study for the praxis, because I felt the need to help my dad with many situations at the diner and with his business, I let go of my priority to study for the praxis.
During my time in Flagler, I had many sweet times with jesus in my room. I had a sweet time with Jesus studying for my praxis when I could. I went to Denver often to see my friends because I had to get my CCU paperwork done to be able to study abroad.
During my time in Flagler, Cody gave his life to Jesus. That was an amazing miracle. Grateful how the Lord led me to be part of it.
Around August of 2019, I moved back up to Denver to live with my mom. During this time, I noticed another shift in my heart that I didn’t feel a need to go back to bible study on Tuesday nights. I realized in the past I was going to be seen and known by others. I really didn’t feel like I needed Tuesday night bible studies. It was just another thing added to my schedule if I decided to go back. I felt the Lord was leading me to make time to spend with my family. I made a decision to take a break from work a couple nights a week. I am grateful I made time to spend time with my family. It was worth my time and forever grateful for being obedient.
My mom and I had a rough season a month before I left for Spain because of some past hurts. The past hurts had something to do with my parents divorce and some decisions I made during that time. Jesus redeemed by starting counseling three weeks before I left for my adventure abroad. I saw the Lord move and Jesus provided Cassie my Mentor to have me think about some deep questions I had to wrestle with. I had expectations on how I wanted my mom and dad to be. Cassie shared a part of her story, that one of the hardest things she realized is that her parents won’t ever be the people she wanted them to be for her life. God is all she needs. That phrase hit me hard. I had to hand over all of my expectations over to the Lord. That was a huge turning point. I let the perfect love of God be the rock I stood on.
As my time was approaching to leave to head to Spain for three months, I was getting so excited for the adventures Jesus was going to take me on. At the same time I knew I would miss all of my friends and family. I made sure to have a get together for all of my friends and family and my family at olive garden. My time was coming to end at olive garden which was sad. Olive Garden holds a special place in my heart and forever keeps my memories there close to my heart.
I was getting so excited to travel and see my past foreign exchange students that I haven’t seen for 7-14 years ago. I was excited for my time with Beatriz in Madrid, Spain. I was excited for what Jesus was going to do in my heart. I knew I was going to fall more in love with Jesus and that healing would happen in my heart.
The Friday before I left, everything was settled with my mom and I. Saturday night I said my good byes to my friends. Sunday I said good bye to more friends at upperroom. Monday the 23 of September I flew out to spain.
September 24th I met Beatrizz at the airport and she took me back to her place. We started catching up while I was eating a late dinner. I started to explore Madrid by myself while she was studying. We went to Toledo, Spain. I loved it so much. I started learning some Spanish words and starting learning Spains culture. We had such a fun time together. I had sweet time with Jesus at coffee shops and at her moms place.
I landed in Barcelona September 30, 2019. I was so excited to meet my host family and learn more Spanish. I was excited to meet my students and teach at the school in Spain.
When I was in Madrid, Spain, I was so terrified to travel by myself. I believed for so long that I wasn’t capable to do things by myself. In the beginning I was hoping that I would be able to travel all of the places I wanted to go to with people I met from the program. I am thankful I traveled many places by myself. Jesus was took me on this journey showing me that I didn’t need anyone to travel with, I just needed Jesus and be relying on Him. Jesus makes things super fun. Especially the people that He would put in my path.
I was so excited for the journey that God was going to bring me while being abroad. I arrived in Barcelona and I was so excited to meet my host family. I was longing to get closer to Jesus and grow with him. I was excited for the adventures.
I was super excited to learn Spanish, but then I started putting super high expectations on myself. It was because of the fear of not coming back to Colorado and owing up to my moms expectations or my friends expectations. I had three weeks where I shut down and didn’t try to learn Spanish. Jesus was teaching me to let Him in emotionally. I found out it is emotionally draining to try to talk in Spanish and learn another language. It is very time consuming.
Morocco Jesus taught me that He loves muslims just as much as He loves anyone else. He broke down stereotypes I had them in. I couldn’t grasp before that how to relate to them because they didn’t know jesus. I honestly thought they didn’t know how to love because they didn’t know Jesus I came to revelation that they know how to be close and they foster family better than Christians do. I loved how they ate dinner and how they shared there dinner. They had a huge dish in the middle (a tagine) everyone eats from it. Everyone wasn’t as individualized. Family was welcoming. Even slept in the same room. Muslims have such a huge heart and sooo loving. It opened my heart to love muslims and other cultures. This gave me a deep craving to want to meet other Muslims from my home and learn from them.
Greece, the culture was so beautiful. Everyone I met was so nice and loving. I loved the atmosphere and the soft slow music. I loved that at the restaurant Nicole and I went to had traditional dancing and that everyone was singing along and dancing. Strangers were singing together in the restaurant. Two nice Greek guys sat with us and they bought us wine. Other people bought us wine too.
Teaching at the school- At first, I was working with 4 to 5 year olds. I love that age but it was super hard to connect with them. Mainly because I don’t know Spanish and they all had really unique names. I just stood there and I was bored. Finally during the week I went to Greece, an opportunity opened up and I ended teaching a lesson to 1st grade Monday. I came up with it on the spot. I was very at peace and I didn’t freak out. That was new for me at the time.
I decided to switch and teach small group lessons with 1st grade instead of 4 and 5 year olds. I kept helping Elena with Science workshop in English. I kept helping Dolos, my supervisor, with art 3rd- 6th. I kept helping dolos with 2nd grade Thursday mornings till 1pm.
2nd week of November- I taught a lesson for Elena without a translator. That was a lot of fun. I didn’t freak out and I was at peace. I did the best I could do and thankfully there were two students that knew a could amount of English. They helped me and taught me some Spanish words. It was a disaster for a good 20 minutes. Through that Mark and the other girl and I become close. Now Mark calls me Mom.
3rd week in November I had to teach another lesson without a translator. This one ran a little smoother because I translated each word. I wrote it on the white board. This time one of the teachers was in the room to help keep the class under control. I remember the students were teaching me the words for a cork, marbel, button, and symbol phrases I needed to know how to say at that time such as “get in pairs.” I loved when Elena would not be there because I enjoyed the challenge.
During my time I was reading the book kisses from Katie- That book awakened dreams. Awakened a dream of how much I long to be a mom. Awakened my dream to go back to Rwanda or Uganda and work with kids that are in poverty there. I literally felt like I was reading my heart. I really want to go back to Rwanda or Uganda and love on dark children there. I loved their faith. Now I have a crave to want to be mom and be a mother figure to children. I want to hug them and raise them up. During my time, while I was talking with my brother nick. I had moments I wanted to think their could a thing between me and him and I could be ave motherly figure. I am super glad God created space for us to not talk much so I would grow closer to jesus. I really feel like God will bring me back to Rwanda or Uganda to do ministry there.
During this time, I was longing more and more to know who my future husband was. I had deep longings to pray for him more and write more letters to him. If something happened to me in the day or I was excited about something I wanted to just write it to him. I stopped wanting to share with other brothers in Christ even. I have enjoyed the feeling here not having a need to respond my brothers in Christ and really just focused on jesus. I believe during this time God was still showing me that I don’t need brothers in Christ to make me feel worthy or worth something. I don’t need to talk with them all the time to be seen or known. I need to go to jesus and let him into those areas and He will respond. Jesus is so so present. Now as of December 15, 2019, I am in a place that I am just longing to go back and give more of my heart more to jesus. I long to be more devoted to pray for my future husband and write and share more to my future husband. I really want to do less one on ones and get to know guys more in groups. Unless if God wants me to do ministry with a one on one. If its just a brother and sister relationship.
During this away, Jesus have built great confidence in me and a confidence that only comes from Him. I love myself and the way He has created me. I love being by myself and going on adventures with Jesus. I love my voice, I love my eyes, and I love the way I speak. I love that my worth is in jesus. I love traveling by myself. I am fully capable.
Jesus showed me that I am afraid of commitment. I have been praying which church jesus wants me to commit too. Upperroom or Bridgeway. I know Bridgeway is starting Saturday night services and they need people to willing to work with kids. Upperroom I love that place and the way jesus moves and the brothers and sisters I get to see and worship with. I am not sure where jesus wants me to commit my time. I know I will be super busy with student teaching when I get back.
Jesus showed me during this time to stop and enjoy life. Stop going to fast. Stop eating so fast. Talk with people and be present. Time talking and getting drinks with friends is very important. Life is not met to be so fast and to be slow. The culture here is slower. Jobs know how to disconnect with work and get to know each other personally. In spain they eat breakfast at 10;30 and have a break. Then at 1pm or 2pm they eat lunch and then 6pm they eat a snack. I see people getting together and having coffee. At 8pm they are eating dinner. Or 10 pm they eat dinner.
During this time, I prayed a lot for my family. I gave them over to Jesus. I stepped back from taking the responsibility on myself. I trusted Jesus had my dad and mom and my family in his hands. I trusted he was moving. I found out December 11, that my parents were communicating from my dad. My dad told me that mom was responding well. I don’t know my mom sides yet.
I did talk with my mom more than my dad during this time away. My mom answered me more and my dad was busy. I didn’t have time to talk with my dad.
December 14th, I talk with my dad on the phone. It was good. I noticed that he was bitter still about my mom leaving him. Mainly because of the finances. He was upset that he will be working until he dies and most likely won’t get to retire. I could see that it just frustrated him that my mom isn’t willing to give me money and only wants me to go my dad. My dad is still willing to help and bail me out. He would like if my mom had a part because He gave her so much money. My dad told me that when I get back we could sit down and look both of our financials. We would figure out a plan to pay off my card. He told me he would bail me out this time because he was proud of me. This experience abroad is educational. But hearing my dad say the same language he had with my dad. The bitterness he had took a little bit for me to take that all in again. Also glad I didn’t hear him talk like that for 3 months. Honesly I am open to meet up with my dad and talk to him about my financials. Its honestly weird because money topic with my dad have been hurtful in the past. I feel like God is going to do some thing with this.
I found out that my nana is going to have to meet up with my mom to give her my keys to my car and drop it off. I praying that there is reconciliation. I pray that something happens. I pray my nana can forgive my mom. I pray that a walls fall down between them. I am trusting and praying that God is moving. I praise Him for the miracles. I am praising Him for what I don’t know about yet.
I love how I have grown in my Spanish but I wish I learned more. It was very difficult to keep learning it because I was gone every weekend. I would learn some words from each country I went too and then Tuesday I was back to wanting to learn Spanish and then Thursday I would leave again. It made it difficult to want to spend time with my host family. Realizing again I can’t do everything. I enjoyed Catalina and mark. They are so sweet.
I taught a lesson to 6th grade about the color personailities. I had them take a test survey. It was difficult for them. They haven’t took time to think about how they do things. Once they found out their colors and went over the powerpoint. Elena helped translate the test and powerpoint to Spanish. The 6th graders liked it a lot. There were 3 or 4 of them that were lost. They needed more time to understand it and finish the test. We were crammed with time.
Overall, this time abroad have been the best decision I have ever made. It has been a growing experience. I have learned so much from each place I have traveled. Dreams that I have prayed for years have been met. I have been able to meet up with my foreign exchange students from the past. Jesus built confidence up in me. I know more who I am because of my sweet times with jesus. I have gained confidence to teach infront of kids and not be fearful. I know who I am separate from my parents. I love myself and the I love going on adventures with jesus. I learned to stop and enjoy life and be present. Sit down my phone and talk. Stop going so fast with life and take care of myself.
Traveling Adventure's 